Skip to main content

You know what? Today is a new day...

...and I'm going to act like it.

I have a tendency to linger in past mistakes, decisions, and memories way too long. You might be able to relate. I analyze and dissect situations until I think everything is worked out. It is part of what makes me a good leader and sometimes frustrates those of the less patient persuasion. I have been like that all my life. Never wanting to make a mistake but when I do, beating myself up for not taking more time or not doing enough research or not talking to God enough. But you know what?

I am tired of it.

I don't want to linger in the past. I don't want to make sure that everything is handled before I step out there. I want to trust that God is going to let me in on the secret when I am good and ready. I know that I have a rough past few years that I need to deal with and talk about, but I also need to keep in mind that I have a wonderful future ahead of me. I know it's not the one I planned but I am just going to have to get used to it.

Today is a new day. With new possibilities. I'm going to enjoy it.

Peace,
Celisse

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I coulda.....well, maybe if I woulda.....

I completely understand how ridiculous and crazy and wrong this is going to sound. I could have done something. Anything. I could have stopped my dad from dying in some way. Given him my kidney. Been there more often. Been a better daughter. Something! I feel like every time I think about my dad, I have this huge burden of guilt that I have been carrying this whole time. It's not totally unnecessary guilt. I wasn't there when he died. I was off being a good student leader and helping out with a choir retreat. As always, I put work before my family. The one time that it mattered the most for me to be there. I just wasn't. These feelings seem to keep getting stronger. It will be 6 years in January. It's supposed to get easier, right? I know that I have expressed this before but I miss being special. You know, that feeling that only a dad can give his daughter? The one that says no matter what you do or who you become, you will always be his little girl. Th...
Post a Comment
Read more

3:30am Ramblings

I hate having the times where you just need a hug and no one is there to help you with that. So, you sit there and dwell on it instead of thinking about and moving on. I am telling you that it does get easier. Right after my dad died, I was not able to speak his name without bursting into tears. I do a lot better now. I don't always break down. But, some times are harder than others. I was watching a show and one of the characters was trying to find their dad. This definitely got to me. I started to relive how important my dad was to me and how much I want him back in my life. I have had many times where I have been going through something and all I want to do is to talk to my dad about it. The one person that I want to talk to is out of reach. I am glad that he is in a better place and that he has no more pain but where does that leave me? When can I live without this pain in my life? That was a question I asked often and still ask occasionally. For the longest time, I felt as...
Post a Comment
Read more

If you just realize what I just realized...

I am not sure how to put into words what is brewing in my mind. It's not that it is something that is hard for me to understand or even that it is extremely emotional. I miss God. I miss him being the whole reason that I live. I miss him being in control of my life. I miss turning to him when I have a need, question, or talking session. This isn't a night where I am sitting on my bed crying because I miss my loved ones. It's a night of realization that I have been neglecting the most important person in my life. I have been allowing myself to blame and mistrust God. God took away MY dad and MY grandpa and MY grandma. I felt abandoned and that God stole something from me even though they were not mine to begin with. They were always, and still are, completely his. I have created this barrier between us because I have felt hurt and alone for a long time and it was all God's fault. I thought God had to prove to me that he was trustworthy. That he could do what he...
Post a Comment
Read more