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More than an awesome exterior.

I don't know what it is about this week that makes me think of my dad so much. It just seems to be a theme for me lately. Maybe it's because of his birthday coming soon. Maybe I just haven't talked about him an a long time. I just miss him so much. It's pretty strong this time. I kind of broke down a few nights ago just thinking about him. I miss everything about him.

I sometimes forget that I am the only one that is like me in my family now. When I went home, I was able to find an outlet for my nerdiness because my dad was the same way. I was able to talk about politics, current events, theology, and life. I know that I have that now with all my friends and colleagues. But I long for that in my family. I want to feel accepted fully in my family rather than be looked at as a work-in-progress. I feel like I am more myself than I have ever been and I want that to be celebrated.

I miss being celebrated.

I miss being understood when I go home.

I don't need much. I just want them to listen to me and love me for who I am: A broken, loving, compassionate, inconsiderate, driven, selfish, accomplished, passionate about higher education, okay being single, lover of laughter, constantly in need of God's love, scared for the future, scared of the past, verbal processing, God fearing, GLBT loving, obsessed with Big Bang Theory, always reading, always learning, family and friend loving, Facebook, twitter, and Apple loving, always on the go, outspoken, saved by grace, woman of God.

I love my mom and sister dearly but there is so much more to me than they know and that makes me sad. I guess we are just starting to rebuild our broken relationships. Time will tell when they are able to accept all of me.

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